I have analysed the feedback I got on my 1 minute draft feedback. I've written the good points, bad points and how me and my partner will improve this for editing deadline.
Good points
- The contrast between the protagonist and antagonist
- The cross cutting between the two characters worked well
- A variety of shots were used (eg. close up, long shot, angle shots)
- The alarm clock starting low in the dream and gets higher as it cuts to the girl waking up
- Appropriate mise-en-scene and locations used and is conventional to British Social Realism
Not so good points
- The waking up scene looked too dramatic
- The cut was too fast as it went from Paris doing her make up to Mercedes quickly coming out of the flat
- The sound between the jump shots at the train station differ
- One of the shots were a bit shaky
- The white board was in the way on the stage
Improvements
- We need to cut down the scene of the train approaching
- Record the ambient sound of a train station to be used throughout two shots
- Match on action shot of Mercedes coming out of the flat or swap shots as Paris doing her make up
- Re-film the scene of Mercedes waking up making it less dramatic and more realistic
- Re-film the dream scene and roll up the white board on the stage
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